BECOMING GALACTIC

BECOMING GALACTIC  

Imagine that your mother on her death bed tells you that you were conceived by artificial insemination and that you were part of an experiment in developing a new galactic human species.......What would be the difference if she told you when you were young? ........

Introduction

This is a love story. Love for you my reader, as I create a relationship with you of a new sort. One in which I woo you with my stories much as Scheherazade did to woo the Sultan, coming to know you as we create a relationship so valuable as to insure life. Ours is a relationship in Time, connecting the past/Present Moment/and future in the time we have together.

My life has been a series of episodes in which I, the myself which is in touch with my soul, have been watching and more or less participating. This life is very much like the mythic story of “Candy”, in which an individual has brought an indelible spark with her on entering this life. It is a spark that can be kept whole and intact, through all of the disturbances of life. This spark, in the end, can return to the whence from which it came.  We have this in common dear reader, and I will tell about how I kept mine in tact.  Our stories may be very different, but we arrive in the end together, here.

In the beginning.....

The first story is about my mother. All stories begin there, and it is understood that mothers are responsible for the way the stories begin. That is why we can blame them for the story's foundation. And, if we never take responsibility for our own stories, we can get carried away with that, and blame them for our entire lives for our own incompletion, when we feel something is missing. Fathers also have responsibility for the way the stories begin.  However, during my lifetime, fathers were encouraged to leave that to the mothers, and in my case especially, was not really there. Perhaps that is why some mothers run away.... to insure that their children take the full responsibility for their own lives... That was not the case with my mother....or was it?

Story 1 Birth

Here is my Mom in the General Hospital, laboring with my birth. The nurses bring in meds and make her take them. She wanted to have a natural birth and tries to throw up. The doctors come in as she is losing consciousness. One says, “It's a girl!” with that how did that happen look. He delivers another baby, making sure Mom doesn't see. The nurses take away both babies and bring Mom back the girl after the drugs wear off. She didn't even know what happened. They needed two boys – they had no use for a girl... and I was a girl.

Five years before, she had been persuaded by a female of not much acquaintance, to serve her country during WWII, by going together to teach at an Air Force Base in Amarillo, Texas. They took a holiday, to see sights in New Mexico, including the Bottomless Lakes at Roswell, NM. She was abducted by aliens, some of her eggs were removed, her memory erased, and she was returned. Her friend told her that she had had an accident and had fallen off a small cliff.

She had been chosen.

Back at the Air Force Base, she met my first father. When he asked her to marry him, he told her he was sterile, but also that she could be artificially inseminated. This was in 1944! Who knows why she agreed, perhaps she was intrigued by the idea of having unique children.

After the war, they moved to Colorado. She went to a clinic, had a check up and interviews, but the doctor didn't want to be involved and said no. He was later persuaded to perform the insemination. Was it the Air Force, Aliens, or Montauk people who wanted Duncan Cameron's father to produce another son in the past? All of the above, or some other group? Who persuaded the doctor?

She let him know when she was fertile by keeping track of her temperature. When all was right, the doctor and two men came to see Mom. It was New Year's Day. She was inseminated and there was no charge for the service and house call. Promises were made not to indicate parties and there was no further connection.  Did the Air Force experiment proceed, or did Duncan Cameron get a replacement? What happened to the other baby? ...No records were kept. I was born just after the Roswell crash. Could the movie “Twins” have been based on a true story?

Story 2    Separation Was Created.

Mom started having problems, and left my first father when I was 10. She always saw things in her own way, and believed that her husband was responsible for the difficulties of the situation. The more he took charge and restricted her, the more she rebelled. She was so confused that the only way out was to go back home to her parents. She gave me the choice to come along or not. I went along.

When time came for the divorce, she was forced to have the proceedings in the Colorado Court, and various sides got involved again to protect information about what happened. Mother, being a bit crazy, may not have been cooperative. The Judge and both lawyers collaborated, there was some question whether I would be taken away from her, and the court record was stricken.  No records kept, again, and I stayed with Mom.

Story 3    I Was Prepared.

For a good number of years, I shared a bedroom with Mom, and had my first long term counseling job. Is it surprising that I went into psychology in College?  I was always a watcher, and while I was at home, I was mostly doing exactly what was expected of me.  I always had everything I needed, or needed very little.  I was raised by my grandparents in a rural setting on the edge of a midwestern city, while Mom went to University to get her Masters and taught school.

I was blonde, blue eyed, with a strong body type, but with a pacifistic will as a tender little thing.  I disliked tag, tickling, and water fights, etc.  I excelled in school and was given all the lessons available: elocution, horseback riding, swimming, cooking classes, charm school, piano, dance, singing, stamp collecting, brownies & girl scouts, 4-H, sewing, embroidery, knitting, summer camp, church, and business courses. Whatever opportunities there were for lessons, Mom saw to it that I took advantage of them. She gave me vocabulary lessons at breakfast and taught my friends bridge when they came over. (Needless to say they did not come over very often.) I was encouraged to be courageous and try new things.

My High School years were during the race for space, pushing me into advanced courses in math, sciences, and language.   Mother devoted her life to see that I was being prepared, but for what?  At that time, the most one could hope for was to be the wife of someone of importance and wealth, if one couldn't be Miss America.  She actually had me be Miss America on a parade float at age 9.

All of that busy-ness sheltered me.  Somehow, though, I found a dedication to non-violence.  I would have been a conscientious objector if I had been drafted.  I could even claim Quaker heritage, and attended a Quaker Camp one summer in high school around Non Violence. In High School, I started having boyfriends, got good grades, hung out with the smart kids and had good friends. Tried smoking and drinking and then left home to go to college.

Story 4   Leaving home, entering the real world, College in the 60's

Everything went along the way Mom planned it, until she sent me away to a liberal arts college in 1965. I had some fun, they called me “Bubble head”, I was a Cheerleader, got asked out on lots of dates, was involved with sports, and all other aspects of campus life. It was the time when liberal women were burning their bras, Bob Dylan was singing away, and imposed restrictions were disregarded. When I started college, we were locked in at 10pm, and the fellows came around to serenade the girls they were fond of, with candle ceremonies when a girl agreed to wear a fellow's pin. By the time I finished, there were integrated dorms and a different honor code, with Lead Zeplin, Jimmy Hendricks, Steppenwolf, and Janis Joplin in the background.

One day while focused with studying, I was interrupted by two guys having a philosophical debate. Their premise was: If one were happy 50% of the day (including sleep) then life was worth the living.  I was told that my life was “not worthwhile” because I was happy just to be alive, 100% of the time, and couldn’t know what happy was because I didn’t know its opposite.  At that point, depression set in that took me down for a good long while.

I found college interesting. Whenever I got inspired and involved with a topic, I got failing grades on my papers.  If I fed back what they wanted, even had help from others, I did well.  I gained 2 things from my education. From my statistics of psychology, I learned that experimenter bias dictates the results of the study.  Also from Mass Communication class, whenever two items are compared, it changes the position of both of them, pulled toward a place between the two by the comparison.  Also, I found out by doing experiments in alpha brain wave production with high tech equipment, that people who smoked pot, had random beta production and their alpha production was altered. The only people who would let me cut spots of their hair off on the back of their heads, for the electrode attachment, were mostly pot smokers.

Had some strange relationships, a military guy who wanted to drive down the main street of his hometown in a tank, and was upset that I would not go to the military ball with him.  A shy romantic who told me that if I refused him, he would crawl back into his shell, there to remain forever. (I had a hard time not to laugh, he did look like a turtle.) There was a computer date match activity and I got paired with the biggest hippie on campus, nice guy.  The second pairing was with a guy I fell for and went with for a good while. I knit him Norwegian mittens. The second one turned out larger than the first one, so knit another one that turned out even bigger. He got 3 odd mittens for his Christmas present. We broke up when he got me drunk and attempted to take my virginity. For that I was not prepared.

I bring this up because I guess it was time, ready or not. The next opportunity came soon thereafter, as a set up double date with a friend. I had to show up to be a queen candidate at a certain time that evening in my short little yellow dress, but they got me drunk and had to hold me up in the lineup of candidates as I could not stand on my own.  I was then taken to a ceremonial deflowering, with a dimly lit canopied bed in a large space.  I had no idea if others were present.  I remembered nothing.  The reason I know this, is because I lost a contact lens and went back by myself to try to find it.  There was the dim room and the bed in a large space, and an obnoxious fellow there who said, when I told him what I was doing there, “That's not all you lost, girlie.”

Of course everyone else knew all about it. My housemother tried to get counseling for me, but I was not interested.  I was OK, and I think it was part of my preparation for priestesshood.

There was a boyfriend who took me on after that, and helped me through the sexual dilemma. We were very close, but my song for him was, “You and I walk to the beat of a different drum.”

I had a good summer job after that semester, discussing all the deep and pertinent topics with professors and a friend over our work. It was that summer that I finally broke away from Mom to become myself.  I decided I had been way too sheltered, and began a new life of searching for understanding and seeking truth.  I wanted to understand God, other cultures, and prejudice.  I was gone on that quest for 10 years before I felt like I had searched long enough.

Stories 5, 6 and 7 took place before I finally graduated from College. At the end of Story 5, I returned to College. My period of enlightenment ended harshly, as people back at college convinced me that I had to be normal.  I finally gave up trying to be me, and was depressed for a long period again.

My last semester of Senior year, after Story 7, I enjoyed, doing synchronized swimming and snorkeling, dating my film professor, etc.  He took me to an art film, "Candy" which was an eye opener for me, and I realized that all of the occurrences around me did not affect the spirit that I came into this life carrying.  After 3 leave-of-absences I finally finished my BA degree. I graduated. Yay!

Story 5    Traveling in 1968: Understanding Other Cultures

I got enrolled in an American college in Vienna, Austria, and attended School in the Kinsky Palace, with two psychology courses, one at the University, both in English.  With the program, we toured France, Italy, and a bit of Germany with Art History Professors.  Spent a lot of time in coffee shops eating Viennese pastries.  I spent a lot of time in churches.  I also learned about food disorders and perversions the well to do could afford to cultivate.

We travelled a lot on weekends.  One of the highlights was hitchhiking into Prague for the May Day parade the year the tanks came ('68) and almost having my arm broken in a mob trying to get into a dance at the University.  Hitchhiking into Berlin was interesting then too, with the Wall still up.  We made a visit to East Berlin, and caught the nightlife in West Berlin, another eye opener for me.  While in Munich, we saw more eye opening night life, and my friend and I were invited to a Fasching or Karneval Celebration that was incredible.  I also made off with a mug from the famous beer place.  Ooh, and the trip to Monte Carlo for the Grand Prix: the cars, the track, the pits, Graham Hill, on and on, amazing.  Went to many concerts and operas, and attended balls at Kinsky Palace and at the Rathouse, with ball coiffures and gowns.  Made a dirndl on a treadle sewing machine.  Learned to eat with my bread on the table and loading the back of the fork with food, which I loved.

There were relationships as well. My love affair with the young spy on the back of his motorcycle, and the fellow with the military motorcycle who took me in his sidecar, the American financial adviser to the Mafia who wined and dined me a bit, and the strange Italian who said he “recognized” me and treated me like I was a saint and even came all the way to find me in Vienna, and tried to put out one of his eyes.

When school was over, we hitchhiked through Yugoslavia, had a few scares, had to jump out of the car and sleep on the hillside once, and were talked into taking a train the rest of the way to Greece.  A good story is about the girlfriend I travelled with. We had made sundresses to travel in, and besides putting on her mascara every morning, she also washed her dress every evening.  It started to shrink, and by the time we got to Athens, was pretty short.  Some man pinched her bum, and she whacked him with her purse.  All of the people on the sidewalk were furious with her for hitting him. Too funny!  Fell for an Aussie staying on the beach in Crete, we travelled a bit together, but had to move on.  Heard Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band album the first time while on Crete.

We went to work on a kibbutz in Israel, not long after their big war, picking and sorting pears for our daily bread. We got to see the entire country, because it was so small, down to the Dead Sea and the Red Sea. There were several epiphanies there for me.

First was the religious confusion. Picture the inner city, where lived Catholic Arabs, the Wailing Wall for the Jews, all of the Christian Churches' offices, with the Christians having separate sanctuaries to worship in, Protestant, Roman Catholic, and Greek Orthodox.  The most worthwhile thing there was the Mosque on the Rock.  I came away with knowledge that something was definitely wrong!  Especially with the persecution of the Arabs by the Jews, and they were obviously brothers by genetic inheritance.

#2, I started studying Zen, began to meditate, and read the “Razor's Edge” and found out about other states of being. There was hashish there.

#3 was the realization that I could never live in an environment where everything was provided and done for me.  It was incredibly boring, especially with the entertainment provided as well.  It was also my first exposure to giant cockroaches.

#4 I hadn't known that I could put on weight.  Pictures of me taken there showed that I had not realized I had put on weight in the Viennese coffee shops.

When we left Israel, we went to Istanbul. There were a few epiphanies for me there as well. I saw groups of men of a different temperament with a group mentality moving down the street as one entity (scary).  I had a drug encounter there and was taken off by a young man to have sex, but was mostly unconscious, even of the fact that I was wearing a tampon. He turned out to be a Wizard and decided to keep me and teach me. We were going to go overland to Nepal for my 21^st birthday.  My girlfriend went on without me.  My Wizard showed me how to access the Now (the Present Moment) and to see the divine in everything around me. It was going well until he realized that I was not pregnant, but about to birth a tampon.  He promptly sent me on with my journey.  Remember being in the Hilton Hotel in Istanbul, trying to get Mom to send money, with a bad phone connection, yelling in my loudest voice, ”Send Money!!”

Travelled by myself to Switzerland, ending up at a Crusaders for Christ Camp, still meditating on my prayer rug (beautiful long haired white sheep skin). One of the highlights there was a lecture on evolution, from which I came away with the idea that most species have specific genes, and could not have mated and evolved from the same forms. It was a sound scientific base for natural selection but not evolution from primordial slime. I did not understand how it was all created, but gave up on the spark in the amino acid pool theory.  Spent some time with a handsome young medical student, and we did the sound of music thing, running down the green slopes, and had the best potatoes and cheese I have ever had. I left with him and we travelled thru France. It was a beautiful experience and he advised me on my abdominal situation, post tampon delivery.

He left me in Amsterdam, where I fell in with odd companions, a few drugs, and ended up sleeping on the docks, and being taken in by the Coast Guard equivalent. From there we went to England, and much of that stay I don't remember, drugs again. A big thank you to whoever it was who put me on a train (think I had a note pinned to me) and others who saw to it that I was put onto the Steamship for my booked ocean crossing. When I returned to the land of the living, I joined the entertainment team on the ship, and observed the performances and ways of the troupe of travelling anarchists aboard. This was the Time of the “Revolution” the Beatles were singing about. Had an experience with a male who wanted a sex experience to talk about. Had a few of those in Story 5.

I wended my way, returning to college with my beat up backpack, in my short sundress and my sweater with holes in it someone gave me. Managed to have lost all my luggage. I was happy as never before.

I was beginning to receive my understanding of God. I also discovered myself, and became a flower child. I had gained the experience of enlightenment that lasted for 3 or 4 months.  It wasn't the drugs, or was it?  I only dabbled, just found myself in situations not of my choice.  I was never into it, and perhaps “I never inhaled”.  The times were right for my soul to find expression, and I loved the freedom I found.  I was trying to experience everything, but knew there was more.

Story 6   California in 1969

With only one semester of college lacking, I took another leave of absence.  This time I was invited to Pasadena, California, by the man my mother wanted me to marry, Mr. Right.  We ended up being the first girls to integrate California Institute of Technology, as an experiment. I worked on an education project, part of opportunities offered to the Tech students to “broaden” their horizons.  It was the time of new methods and facilitation of group processes, and trying to make a difference.

Another girl and I were props in one of the houses' choir competition.  Their piece was “Oh Dem Bones” and we were the bones, in our bikinis, and ran through the audience when the bones were all connected.  I think they won.  I also did an interpretive dance for a student doing a project on Salinger's “Franny and Zoey”.

A friend and I did make a hitchhiking trip to San Francisco and Oakland.  Saw the scene in San Francisco at that time, saw people with their brains fried from speed, was not really impressed.  We made our way to Tashahara Hot Springs.  We also got thrown out of Big Sur in a bust of a place where lots of people were camping out, so were stranded on the highway in the middle of the night, until a gentleman picked us up in a Jaguar sports car, we squeezed in, and were dropped off in Carmel.

Back at Cal Tech, since I was a Senior technically, I participated in the Senior vacate day, and had to be off campus. When I returned, everything was gone from my room, the door fell in because the hinge pins were gone, the plumbing gone from the sink etc. They are pretty clever there. At least I did not have to go find my stuff on the Library roof, and they were nice enough to put it back together for me.

When we officially moved into one of the houses, they auctioned us off, and we were initiated in their usual manner, girls or no.  I saw the Porsche Man enter from my position on the auction table with all of the study lamps focused on me.  He may have been impressed, and considered buying me.  I was purchased by a group of guys who took several of us sailing to Catalina.  It was the first time I ever went sailing, but the group was pretty drunk and seasick from the rough ocean.  We gave up on Catalina, and returned to shore.

By this time, Mr. Right was starting to get serious, and I was starting to be drawn more to the interesting and different.  He was just too Right.  I finally got to know the Porsche Man, with his burgundy 911 (or 12?) Targa convertible. The Tech-ers revered him as sort of a God, and when I went places with him, women would throw themselves at him.  I guess it was the Times.  He lived in a house in the mountains with a view overlooking the valley, very impressive at night, and had a tree growing up through the stairwell (rather the house was built around a tree).  He always drove 90 mph, even in residential districts, was an excellent driver and I always felt completely at home with him.  I felt like Sacajawea, was mostly his silent supportive companion.

I may have been a part of a big drug deal, but was not concerned with anything other than enjoying the Present Moment, enjoying my new blue sunglasses, and he always had great music on.  We drove to Baja, past where the road went, as dirt filled in the car, moving along from huge pothole to huge pothole. We finally arrived at an old resort. He put me in an empty room alone, for a bit, and when he came for me, I was out of sorts. Think it was the dirt in my teeth, mixed with bad road exhaustion, and I was actually needing some support. We went out for a wonderful meal in a town and then slept in a sleeping bag on a beach, Rattlesnake Beach. He held me tight all night, we were squished in the sleeping bag, so all was well. Like I said, I had complete faith in him. I imagine no one would have thought to look for someone there. We took in a bullfight, (I was appalled at the violence with the horses and the bull), did the typical tourist thing, and I was the perfect companion, completely naive and no clue about anything askew in the world. Think he was a bit worried, but also think my presence was useful.

One time he took me to an Italian movie showing, amazing movie about a Christ like man who came into the lives of a wealthy family, gave them all fulfillment in all ways, even the maid, and the rest of the movie was the result of how it affected all of their lives. Most of them went crazy, and the maid became a Saint. It had a lasting effect on me. We also went to my first Renaissance fair, made love out of doors and I got a serious case of poison oak (I had to get cortisone shots to relieve it). Life was an adventure at all times. I was in a wonderful state of being. I have thought that the rest of my life was an anti-climax. It came to an end, and I had to return to my family. Somehow I had acquired a puppy, which I called Puppy, and had to take back with me on the plane. My Mom managed to get rid of the dog as we were on vacation on an island in Minnesota. I somehow missed Woodstock, being back with Mom again. I was learning that I was not happy where I could not be myself.

Story 7 On My Own

This story begins with the 1969 Peace March.  When I heard about it, I left the Midwest in my first car that I had acquired, taking along a few students from the University who wanted to go. We ended in a caravan of cars for the last leg of the trip, on a solid ice highway, slowly, taking care of each other. We all made it. It was fairly well organized, as people in the surrounding area had volunteered to host the people who showed up. It went fairly well. Found some friends from Cal Tech who were politically active, and one flew me back to Massachusetts with him (he was on President Nixon’s Black List). I left my car in DC with the others to drive back and drop off at my home. Poor Mom.

After a brief stay at Harvard, I found the Porsche Man. It turned out after a while that he couldn't love me anymore, because we were different now. He tried to pass me off to one of his roommates (who was a hunk), but I left and stayed at Radcliffe for a bit until I found a job and a place to live. I bought my first motorcycle, and made friends with the mechanics there. Went racing with them to Montreal, and held a bike that was much to heavy for me, in a Lemans start race. It was hard to imagine me in the pit with the other mechanics. Too funny! One of the motorcycle guys who liked me, gave me a black leather v-neck vest which I wore without a shirt with my filmy printed pants and tall black patent look stretch boots. Quite a picture! Did some easy-ryder-ing up the coast of Maine. Made a trip to Cape Cod with my roommate on the back, a girlfriend from back home who had joined me. Also met some College friends to go scrambling in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. Loved the starting up together and taking off in a pack of bikes.

Was invited to a luncheon with the Harvard Jr. Fellows, interesting, showing up in my bike outfit and helmet. Have always wondered if I was the woman who inspired “Deep Throat”.  Had a few different jobs; intake worker at Boston State Hospital (decided at that time that I did not want a career working with mental illness), driving a school bus, teachers aide in an oral school for the deaf, and then as a singing dancing cocktail waitress. The highlights were watching the Black Panthers march on the playground as the deaf children could not go out for recess, and delivering drinks and diving onto the table top just as the lights came up for my number. Oh, and driving my bike through the tunnel under the Boston Harbor to my work.

On my own, I had my first apartment at the top of the stairs, with a skylight over the bathtub, and a fireplace. It was pretty grand, and to boot, had a fire escape connected to a young man's apartment. We had a relationship. I remember the Thanksgiving party we gave for a crowd. I had cooked all day, and prepared beautifully, but the turkey was not done yet, so we went dancing, and returned to have our dinner around midnight. I fell asleep sitting in a corner, was so exhausted. We planned to travel the country in his vintage step van, but the engine blew up. I sold my motorcycle to buy him a new engine. When we broke up, his father made him help me move my stuff to Western Massachusetts.

Story 8   Ski Lessons

Have to tell you my ski lesson story. In high school, went with some girlfriends to Colorado skiing. We signed up for lessons and I kept trying but never figured it out enough to go down the slope. We had lots of fun though, did not meet the men of our dreams however. Did a bit of practicing in college. Went to ski school in Vermont, also in California. One more opportunity presented itself in Austria, but by that time, I didn't even bother with the ski school, went directly to the hot wine hut at the bottom of the hill. Never once made a run down a ski hill.

Story 9   Living Life Fully

I have had a Jewish connection in my life. My first boyfriend in 7^th grade was Jewish. My Mom joined the Unitarian Church during my Junior High years, and our youth group had exchanges with the Jewish youth group. Learned the Hora and did some dancing with them.  As mentioned, I spent time in Israel with some Israeli friends. When I arrived in Western Massachusetts, I found a room in a house with a traditional Jewish couple, observing the Sabbath, Friday sunset through Saturday, and all. It was not unusual then for me to have some good Jewish friends from Long Island.  

Decided to move in with one of the Long Island friends when a big old house opened up down the road. I had acquired a few fabulous pieces of antique furniture in Boston. My mother had shipped all of my dowry and stuff she had gotten for me to start life with the prominent husband she planned for me. I guess she gave up and decided I might as well get some use out of it. Did I mention she remarried while I was in Europe? It may have been my stepfather's idea. In addition I had accumulated stuff in my travels, which I now had, since my luggage finally caught up with me from Europe. I had purchased a pair of shoes in every country I visited. Red shoes in Italy, green shoes in Switzerland, tall suede boots in Germany, etc, etc. Bought a tweed suit on Carnaby Street in London with wide ochre felt lapels, and other treasures to remind me of my travels. You will see why I mentioned all of this stuff in a minute.

So my Jewish girlfriend had decided to live life to the fullest, because her husband had died young of cancer. She may have promised him this. So I was her sidekick and drove her around in her green VW Bug.  She had a trunk of costumes and it was generally a show when we arrived. Highlights? Visiting Harvard Medical Student friends of hers in Boston, arriving with our trunk of costumes and starting the party; staying in a hotel in Cape Cod with a friend, making a super 8 movie; her signing us up to be Go-Go Dancers at a fraternity party; making a multi-layer Viennese chocolate torte, which she put her face into when it was done, to take a big bite; her dog and mine mating and getting stuck together in the back seat of the VW Bug.

Her other friends from Long Island had moved into our big house, when the man who managed the house died suddenly in bed with a girlfriend one night. It was pretty scary, and they said it was a respiratory reaction of an allergic nature. I had been out beating a rug I found somewhere, on a line, when he came home earlier that day, and talked to me as I beat the thing. Always worried that there may have been some strange old dust in it that affected him. It may have been his girlfriend.

During this time, one day, the notion struck me hard that I should get married. Not knowing where that came from, since I had not had that thought before, I felt that I should do something about it. The one male Jewish friend living there had previously been a boyfriend of mine and I approached him, telling him that I thought I was supposed to get married, and wondered if he would marry me. He said he would.

So we made some lovely old timey photos in sepia, and let our families know, and I called an astrologer to see when a good time for us to wed would be. Unfortunately the astrologer said that a few days later, around 11pm, would be good. Our friends had all gone home for Christmas holiday, my fiancée had his last film directing class that afternoon, and a friend of ours said he would read the vows. It was falling into place. I picked the groom up after class in the VW Bug, and we tried to make it to a liquor store in the neighboring town which was still open, to get some champagne. The road was icy, and we slid off into a ravine. We climbed back onto the road, and flagged down a car. It was a young couple who took pity on our situation on our wedding night, and drove us home. We called down the road to the house down there, to have friends come up, but no one was there except someone we had not met, named Stanley. So Stanley gave me away, the young girl was my maid of honor, and the fellow was the best man, and our friend read the vows outside in the snow under an old tree just around 11pm. The bride wore a sleeveless gown of burgundy velvet.....

We thought about it a bit, and decided as long as we had gone that far, we should make it legal. So, on January 1, when our friends were back, we invited a minister over to do a legal ceremony. The Med Student friends from Harvard were up visiting, and on a signal all came cross-country skiing up to the house. There were large bottles of wine in the snow where the wedding was performed. The Med Students brought us each a wedding present of a hit of good mescaline, and we had a football game in the snow. My girlfriend was the quarterback and each time she rolled back, she threw in a different direction. We were all over the field and I made an amazing flying tackle. It was a good day. Somehow, in my older age, I had developed some sports skills, as I had none before.

We had a good marriage. We were good friends and never argued, worked well with each other. Unfortunately, there was a fire in the house when we were away at the movies, and it was located so close to the boundaries between fire districts, that they could not figure out what to do, and finally pumped water from a near by creek. All was lost, except what fell through to the basement, all of the stuff, but most importantly our dogs were in the house with their new puppies. It was harsh, an amazing experience. After the shock and loss passed, I was amazed how attached I was to a hairbrush and a pair of scissors, which I did not have. I still had my ice skates that were in the trunk of the car.

We found a new home and went along for a while. I was studying landscape architecture, and designing clothes, and made my hubby a full business suit with all of the weird pockets and all. Then we decided to go to California, so he could become a film director. We travelled across the country in an old chevy painted with rainbows. This was '72. We lived in Venice beach when we arrived, found a nice apartment, and purchased a new Mazda with the Wankel engine. Loved the clutch on that thing. I got a good job as an estimator for a landscape contractor, and made connections with a prestigious LA firm. My man was working with a small film company, and all was good. Moved to Studio City and suddenly all was dark and creepy and I had dreams about having a boat in the backyard in case the coast dropped off.  We almost moved to San Francisco, but decided to go back to Western Massachusetts instead.

Story 10   Run’doff to Virginia

Had gotten a “thing” about wanting to see what North Carolina was like. We were living in a house with a huge guy, leader of a blues band, and a few other people. One was a Scorpio with ambition, worked in drug rehab. Somehow he got a line on a job, setting up a state rehab program for the State of Virginia. We fell into a relationship being around each other a lot, and he decided to take me with him to Virginia because he was required to have a wife, and I decided to go. It was hard on my husband who eventually came to find solace in astrology, and actually became a famous astrologer.

Well, the Scorpio and I bought a ring in a bubble at a New Jersey Turnpike station, and when we got to Virginia he introduced me as the Mrs.  We found an old plantation house out in the county with the long drive and pillars, and a large snake in the kitchen ceiling, and a ghost in the upstairs. We were given a goat, which I had to learn to milk, that hung out in the poison ivy, and I got it from milking her. We pretended well, and had a good time on the beautiful place. Things went along well enough, until he got to enjoying making me angry. Must have been a Scorpio thing, but it was not in my nature to enjoy that sort of thing. One day he got an argument going, and I threw a dining room chair at him. Decided then and there to leave that relationship.

Story 11   Virginia to North Carolina:  Searching for understanding of God and prejudice

I set myself up with a job and found a place to live there in Richmond. Lost my good job when they found out I was not really married and had a Social Security card in the assumed name. They thought I was a criminal or something. Got a bar job and things went along well for a bit. Hung out with musicians and some Blue Grass folks and a steel guitar guy. Then I met my North Carolina country boy at a nightclub. Curly red hair, loved to dance, musician, loved that guy. Got my second motorcycle, had a few bizarre things happen there, like the party I ended up at where some guy tried to drag me into a mud pit, and a threesome with another woman at a museum, and another threesome with a guy after lots of rum and a game of strip poker on a sailboat.

My love and I decided we would move to the coast and crew onto a boat and sail around the world. Recognized I had a love of boats and water. We moved to Gwyn's Island, I waitressed, and he was a boat carpenter. We met people, and saw some boats, mostly met some weirdos. I did get an offer to crew onto the Motorola Yacht, but they had no interest in my partner. We lived in a tent at our garden spot. I also love gardening. Unfortunately I found myself pregnant, so we decided not to sail around the world. He wanted to marry me.

Unfortunately again, we had no idea where my husband was, and had a hard time figuring that one out. We ended up going to Las Vegas, established residency in 6 weeks, and got a divorce there. We advertised in the New York Times, I think.  Anyway, we got married the same day the divorce went through at the courthouse, and headed back to my Mom's home in the midwest to have our baby.

Unfortunately, we got arrested in the middle of Nebraska, and of course the Country Boy had a hit of acid in the egg carton in the cooler. (Not me, I was clean and taking care of myself.)  My folks came and got me out, but left him there. They cut off all of his curly red hair and we got him out a couple of weeks later. Our baby girl was born in the Midwest. He worked some, but was not happy away from the South, so we headed back to Virginia when the baby was old enough to travel.

Story 12    Marriage, Still Seeking God

So after the interesting beginning, followed by a short visit in “normal”, we settled down to married life...not. We moved into an old Richmond town house with a gigolo musician and a gay hairdresser, fixed up the place with paint and antiques, while the guys got a band going. The hairdresser kept cutting my hair. Looked very much like Twiggy, with a babe at the breast. Got a chance to be a groupie for my man, at a David Bowie-ish gig they had.  Another memory... our gay friend borrowed one of my gowns to do a Captain & Tenille lip-sinc number.

My guy was getting experience at cabinet making, but life was a bit strange, and we ended up moving back to his folks in North Carolina.  So I did the church and choir thing, respectable life style, sewing my clothes again, gardening while chasing the baby, she could sure run fast!  The guys hung out on the weekend, did the country boy thing, drank Johnny Walker Red, and I was left in the kitchen with the girls. The “girls” had no interest in anything I had to say, a Yankee with a weird story.

We built a nice house with the help of his father. I finally found a niche, with the local yoga group, and ended up starting a Health Food Store with a small restaurant. My husband was heading the other way, gone till wee hours, hanging with people I didn't know, drugs and alcohol and all. I had my IUD removed because my best friend got pregnant with hers in, and almost died of hemorrhage.

My dear was furious with me, especially when I got pregnant, and wanted me to get an abortion.  No way, I was happy about it.  . I had been a vegetarian for a while but gave it up, to make sure I was getting enough protein. Took all of the vitamins from my store.  I loved my waterbed with the pregnancy, but he couldn't get into it late at night without disturbing me. We tried to reconcile a couple of times, but it ended the evening I made a meatless loaf with soybeans. He took a few bites and walked out for good.

We sold the house and I bought a tiny home with my share. Learned the importance of forgiveness and gained that blessing for myself. I had learned a number of other important lessons: what goes around comes around; give away anything someone else likes of yours – non attachment; when something happens to throw you off, make sure you learn the lesson there, so it doesn't happen again; not to give my energy away to whoever wants it.

Also was a Rosicrucian for a bit.   During this time I had prayed to know how to raise my daughter, I really had no clue, and the Mormon missionaries found me at my store. They would not teach me when hubby was against it, but after we separated, the sister missionaries taught me and I was baptized while pregnant with my 2^nd child.

We did a home birth, which went very well, even with the baby boy being 10 lbs. My mother came to help, but she only upset me and was banished to her room for the event.  She managed to persuade me to sell the house and my business, and return back to her home, she took my daughter with her. Lost most everything, got a U-Haul and drove across the country with my newborn boy. It went amazingly well with a newborn baby. He slept the whole way.

Story 13   Mom Again

This one is a very short story. Went back to Mom, figured out what else I could do, and left to do it. Managed to get in touch with my first father about this time, and we developed a good friendship. He was a lot of help to our family later.

Story 14   More School 

Was studying Landscape Architecture in Utah, the kids were doing OK. Forgot about eating healthy, decided life should have chocolate and other delights in it. Joined the square dancing club and fell in love with my partner. He was younger and not ready to parent, and had another girlfriend. Switched my focus to Elementary Education, and studied Education of the Hearing Impaired. Had an older man “fall” for me, and persuaded me to marry him, but luck was with me and I investigated to find out that he was not what he was representing himself to be.  It got scary. There were a couple of other possible relationships, but nothing substantial. Started writing my first book, on Color, invented a color test for personality.

Story 15   Mother and Marriage Again 

Her 2^nd husband died, and she asked me to come back to her home. Not too long after we got back, met husband #3. He turned out to be a hypochondriac and I found out too late that he was able to pull himself together to make a good showing, and then fall back apart right afterwards. Realized on our wedding night, that I had made a mistake. First it was hypoglycemia, then allergies....I was fine as a single mom, but that marriage was hard!

We got his 3 kids just before our first one together was born. With my 2, we went to having 6 children within a month's time.  We had 3 more children and if 8 children at a time was not enough, the dad had 3 periods of going without a job for at least a year or more. Fortunately, I had my Mormon Church to give me strength and support, with direction for the kids as well. I did lots of genealogy, wrote childrens stories, and did Amway and a couple of others of those things, as well as taking on 3 paper routes at 4 in the morning, before they all got up.

I didn’t mention that #2 of the 4 “Ours Children” was Downs?  He was a bit of a trick when he was young. He would run off, and I remember one time in Walmart, we could not get him off the merry-go-round. He did his limp noodle trick where he would lie down and all of his weight would become fluid in his body, run to his feet if you tried to pick up his head, or to his head if you tried to pick up his feet. So I called the girls, we each got an arm or a leg and carried him out screaming. Had my 25^th High School reunion.  I was pregnant and embarrassed, and was the person with the most children.

I prayed a lot and learned about sacrifice, devotion and repentance. We went through the “depression” and learned to do with less, there were struggles for all of the children, and hopefully they were better for the life lessons. We all got along amazingly well, and were all sealed together as a family in the Temple of our God. The plus of this hard 11 years of my life, I ended up with a pension from him when I turned 65!

Story 16   Living in the Trailer Park in Idaho and More Marriage

We decided to move to where the “Saints” had gathered around a Temple. Found out that housing was scarce where we were heading in Idaho, and bought a beautiful new 29' RV trailer, and moved there. It was amazing how we had everything we needed and got along so well, 5 kids and a baby with us parents in that space.

The older three were on their own by then. We somehow managed the winter there, at first in a KOA campground, then in a trailer park. That Christmas, remember a drunk Santa who showed up at our door with some presents. The kids were not sure at all about whether to take the gifts, especially when he fell down the steps flat on his face with his exit.  My two older kids had a rough time at school, were bullied some and grew anti Church there. We managed to purchase a nice home with help from my parents.

Story 17   In and Out Again

After praying a lot about whether I had learned all of the lessons I needed from that marriage yet, something changed, and we realized that if we stayed together, we would all go down with him, as he was heading in a downward spiral.  I received confirmation to my prayers that it was well to move on in a direction of greater evolution.  

I also received prompting that I was to take a job in Hawaii at the Temple.  Crazy as that was, I looked into it and, sure enough there was a job opening, and a check came in the mail that covered the flight there. I mustered the courage, after not working since my health food store (15 years ago), went in faith, and applied for the job, and found a place to stay until I received word that I did not get the job. Applied for other jobs that I did not get, and finally managed to get back home to the family. That was a great blow to me, and now looking back, is the only regret I have in life, that I was unable to get a job there. But that is how it was. Our lives would have been so much easier and rewarding.

Instead, I navigated a simple do it yourself divorce, placed him in the trailer park with everything that he needed and left him there. He was complacent about the separation, he was not really all there, and the kids were all fine with it. He ended up losing all he had, and it came back on me in the end, so we lost our house as well because of the lien from the trailer.  

Always had a project going to keep my sanity and vent my strong creative needs. Had some good jobs, long enough to purchase an almost new Honda Accord. Forgot to mention that neither of the Dads to my kids paid child support.

Somehow, I fell in with a traditional Swedish farmer, and got caught up in the whirl of his accordion playing and traditional dancing at affairs, and making Swedish costumes. I think it was when he played O'Carolin on the piano, I excused his eccentricity with his genius and back to basics mentality. Yes, we had a traditional wedding in Swedish dress I had made. Could have had that marriage annulled as he never moved in with us, still lived with his mother on the family farm and would not let me do his laundry. He wouldn't let us move out to the farm either, and just showed up in the middle of the night to romp. Felt like a mistress, but then it started getting scary. It did not last long at all.

Story 18   Escape

It was about that time that I met someone who told me that the centre of the universe was not far away, in Canada. So we packed up the 6 kids and camping gear in the Honda, and went to check it out. While there, decided to look at “income producing properties”, and found the place of our dreams. Actually took the Swedish farmer up there to try to talk him into leaving his mother, but to no avail. Eventually made our escape to Canada. It was a scary time.

I think he wanted to strangle me one night. When I hid, he threatened me to hold my youngest hostage. He chased me down the highway one night when we were moving, and was waiting for me another time a ways down the highway, flagged me over and tried to convince me not to go. He called the border crossing and told them we were running away and stealing a U-Haul truck, to stop us, which they did. He threw my keys away so I could not drive. There was something frightening about him, and we were afraid when he just showed up. Startled every time I saw a truck like his for years. We left home when he came up to get his things and all of the wedding gifts we were given. He prevented the divorce from going forward and sabotaged it right at the end. I was prepared, had taken on the persona of Sonja the Red, and as a warrior, made sure that all went according to plan. We managed to escape again with our prize, the divorce papers.

Story 19   Canada

By this time I had taken on a Canadian man. My first father passed away and left us a trust fund, which gave us money from the interest to survive, until the banks managed to make the interest dwindle away to nothing. Was trying to start a business and hire a Canadian to obtain landed status. My Canadian man had come up with a business idea and I worked up the plan, but in the midst of sorting out the details, he saw an opportunity, and I decided I liked him more than I wanted a relationship with the Government. He was willing to take on the farm, the kids, and my Mom who showed up sometimes, and me. It was a union of convenience and we were both grateful for each other, and had many good years together.

That wedding was the nicest one I had. Friends and relatives were there, and we had a cool minister. My oldest daughter had made a medicine wheel that we were married in, near the pond, overlooking the creek. The sheep got out and we stopped the wedding and even the minister went to help retrieve the lost sheep. It was good, and earthy. The bride wore a borrowed Mexican woven white dress with a garland of flowers in her hair. There was a gathering of handmaidens before, and the spirit was right.

Have you lost count? We all did too. It was a family joke. How many times has Mom been married? I couldn't remember and none of them could figure it out either.  It varies anyway, if you count the Scorpio in Virginia.

Story 20   Self Sufficient in the Wilderness

So, we lived on a beautiful property in the middle of nowhere, with a ferry crossing to the south, and after a couple hour’s drive, a ferry crossing to the north. We were surrounded by Crown land (government owned) behind us, and neighbors who hadn't been there for 10 years on one side, and no one on the other. Amazing creek, with gravity fed water to the house and gardens, orchards, pastures, barns, pond, gardens, workshops, and a rental unit. It was really heaven.

I came to say however, that it looked like Heaven, but it was really a work camp. There was the year of the “bloodbath”, when we raised and put up turkeys, meat chickens, the male goats, and a cow. No one wanted to eat the meat that winter and we all considered giving up being carnivores. I was milking goats twice a day, taking care of chickens with various other animals to care for, but mostly it was putting up the food for winter that was the work. Well, that and pruning the 50 tree orchard. The kids were somewhat helpful, but mostly I did the work. My Canadian was not a self starter, but would follow around and help out. I tried to make an outdoor kitchen, so I did not have to spend that amount of time in the house. It was a beautiful house, and we used the largest workshop for various purposes, housing tor the older boys and friends, parties, and rehearsal space when we started the theatre group. We had ideas about a healing centre or retreat of some sort. 

Oh yes, and the Birthing Centre which never happened. Before we came to Canada I had concretely dreamed the perfect Birthing Center, and felt I was granted this property to fulfill that dream. Therefore, I went to Holistic Midwife school in North Carolina for a couple of years, assisted with some home deliveries, which make good stories, but ended up caring for my Mom, and decided it was just as well not to be involved with lay births. The Birthing Center dream dissipated.

Mostly just did theatre and learned a lot about “drama”. Got the hang of being a “Mountain Woman” and acclimated to a rough way of life, with lots of hard work. I can chop firewood and shoot a gun, if I ever had to.

There was a long period of time when I was a serious Mayan Calendar scholar. Made the pilgrimage to the Maya land too. Studied Sound healing with Tom Kenyon, accepted my role as a light worker, learned to create ceremony, and made preparations for priestess-hood. Mostly lived close to the land.

Story 21   Mom Again

Took care of Mom for years as she lost her mind, her ability to walk, to talk, and to take any care of herself, and finally moved into death. She was a screamer. Were you ever in a care facility where there was a woman who screamed all day? That was my mother. Screaming when she was not asleep or eating. She died in the house on the farm because, after paying high premiums for Blue-Cross-Blue-Shield all of her days, she had no coverage in Canada, and costs were double for foreigners.

A few days before she died, I think she had a stroke and could not swallow. I called my physician and told him I was going to try to take her to Spokane. He said that I could not cross the border with someone near death, and told me I could take care of her. We somehow managed, and when I went down in the morning a few days later, she was gone. I then had a good chat with her, and told her to move on, go toward the light, look for her husband and her parents, to make sure she did not try to stay for some reason, and haunt the house.  

Of course she had used up her savings, and cashed in her mortuary reservations, and wanted to be cremated with her ashes buried in the family spot in the midwest. Having no money after taking care of her arrangements, bought a decent urn and sent her by mail to the woman at the cemetery who agreed to take care of arrangements at that end. I took the box to the post office, being careful not to get tangled up in all of the red tape to transport people's ashes.  My friend working there said, “Is this what I think it is?” (The mail had already gone out that Friday) “Are you really going to leave her here with me all weekend?” Mom finally made it to her desired rest.

Story 22    To the British Isles

When some money came my way, decided to make the British Isles trip I had wanted to do. Decided I could do it, take in some culture, see all of the ancient sites, travel alone mostly, and even drive on the wrong side of the road. Got it lined up and off I went. Drove out of the car rental office in Edinburgh onto the wrong side of the road and took off.   It was quite an achievement for me.  Looked for the ley lines and stone circles, calling in peace at all of the ancient sites....by myself.... the way I like it.

Story 23   On my Own in Canada

Mom died, the only cat I was ever close to died, my amazing Marema dog I loved died, and my husband died for all practical purposes. The Canada man fell away, drank too much beer and smoked a few too many doobies. Lost his get up and go, wanted to sit and read and watch TV all day. My get up and go was fine, and next thing you know I was gone.

The kids were still around and we decided to move in together in town. I put our money into the purchase of a house that my Downs son and I could run a B&B in, and planted fruit trees and made a lawn-to-garden permaculture project. Managed to get my fingers into various organizations, making things happen, and helped set up programs for my handicapped son in the middle of the wilderness. Busy, busy, busy, and way into vegetable gardening.  On my own again with my Downs son.

Started writing plays, or rather saw the need for them to come forth, and was able to get them to come together. “Asklepios” was the first one. The concept was taken from the ancient Greek God of healing, the ancestor of Hippocrates the Father of Modern Medicine. In his community the people did creative artistic endeavors all day, and slept in the Temple to be healed in their dreams. I took 6 dysfunctional people from today who arrived there somehow, and found their healing.

Next, I attempted to help people through the dimensional barrier with “The Shift, a play with music”.   We had a lot of fun with those plays.  Was involved with a lot of theatre, especially love Shakespeare.   Also wrote a novelette and Childrens’ Stories.  People in the community actually introduced me as our local playwright.

Story 24   The Water Calls Again

40 years later I was once more struck by a strong desire to be on the water. Had a beautiful day on a sailboat. Could not remember when I had been so relaxed. Started studying up on sailboats. Was working on selling the farm. I was preparing. I had always had contact with something that felt like beings in the sunset and had been a sunset lover all my life. Started communicating more energetically.

I had found distant places in different space and time where I could go, and had met a Council on a space ship that would answer weighty questions for me. Could automatic write, a form of channeling which is more acceptable.  Was developing new skills.  Also had found I have a deep dolphin connection.

I knew that there was a new reality approaching, and that I would be prepared to change with the new one when I saw the juncture [when the time came]. Sure enough it happened, and I made the leap into it. Right about then someone wanted to buy the farm, although there were major problems getting rid of the crazy renters. I let everyone know I was leaving and others came in to fill my shoes, fulfilled my last commitments, and left for a retreat with others desiring to become Galactic Humans.  No way I could sit around doing nothing.  Actually managed a do-it-yourself divorce again, when found out that if I was not married, I was eligible for pension from the father of my 4 youngest.  My Canadian man was cooperative.

Had a picture in my mind of myself in a white dress going up some steps to work with records. Found the spot that matched my picture and took off to Hawaii to do a Service Mission for my Church, at the Temple.

Story 25   Becoming an Evolutionary Human

I started my Service mission in Hawaii, serving at the Temple and the Polynesian Cultural Center and at the Family History Center. I bought a sailboat and loved living on a boat, now a boat person in Hawaii for a while.  Had transportation issues after lots of bus travel from one side of the island to the other side, and took a room on the other side.  Explored service and the attitude of following direction from God. Helped my Downs son join me doing a Service mission as well.

Made a fabulous trip to Avalon and Tintagel etc., and did some excellent work on the ley lines and blessed some important sacred sites. Practiced my Priestess skills. Made close connections with that group, and did my first scribe session with the Arcturians. When I returned and was planning to do some work with dolphins, I ended up scribing for the Arcturians daily.

Story 26   In the World but Not Of The World

Who have I become? What have I learned that is truly significant? What do I know of you, and have I been able to share anything significant? Reconnoiter. We are all one. Every one of us is part of the holographic nature of God/Source, and records are kept of changes in the Life Force and the new that is created.

This connection we are making is being recorded holographically as part of All There Is.  The larger connection of all who intend to draw near to God/Source is huge, and together we can step up into the “Mansions that are prepared for us”, creating “Heaven on Earth”.   Together we have the ability to “save the planet” by connecting and concentrating our energy.

Think of all of the models we have: The Fifth Element, Anastasia of the Ringing Cedars Series, the Religious Masters. I feel like I studied most of them, from the ancient Celts, the eyes in the sunsets, Lord and Lady Sananda, Pachamama, and the Maharishi. I have seen myself as an inter-galactic traveler.

It has been all about finding the way back to Love, and searching for Divine Connection. All of the methods we have discovered, meditation, ceremony, channeling, connection and healing in circle, contact with our heritage and roots, all help us to Become Galactic

It is time to go... to return. I have experienced all I needed to experience. I have found my Holy Grail, unraveled the mysteries, come to the truth....

In dedication to my Mom

I feel like I need to honor my mother. She sacrificed self and supported her family and me.  She had a strong pioneer spirit, she struck out on her own to new horizons numerous times.  She had strong memories of other beaus, paranoia, worried a lot, planned a lot – plan A, B, C, & D. She was like the teacher friend of Julia Roberts in "Mona Lisa Smile", a product of her times.  She got her Master's Degree, wrote several books, and made a difference in her community. She had lots of expectations for me, and disappointments, she had lots of fears, was very judgmental in order to maintain a position for herself, and eventually became a screamer with dementia. The good, bad and the ugly. We were not close, but she was a good person and raised me well. Thank you, Mother.